I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
