Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
