Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hippo gnu deer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
