My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
