I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
