I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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