actually, I'm a sock model
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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