dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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