I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
