i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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