Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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