if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, beer. Big fan.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
