I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
