when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize