I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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