You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
