I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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