I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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