Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize