i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this just has baby written all over it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
