So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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