we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
