Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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