At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
