Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
