bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
