so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
