apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
