you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
