Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
