I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
