And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
