capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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