WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
