And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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