I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
