Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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