He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize