And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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