I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dear god my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
