I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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