i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
