Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
