the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize