yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
