Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
