tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
false alarm, still single
Randomize
