Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
