I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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