I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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