if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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