cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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