Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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