I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
