I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
