you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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