just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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