Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
