We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
