It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
