According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize