You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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