Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
