That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
