You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
