i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
