With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
