She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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