My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
