dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
