Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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