we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
