I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
