Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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