ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
