All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
