I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
