i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
