god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
