I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
