i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
