Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
